About Mom

My mom had a birthday this week.

She loves lemons, yellow, and she always sang this song to me....now she sings it to my girls. The cake is lemon dream cake. The danish's are some I made up using part of a recipe from Pinterest and adding my own special "lemon touches." They were awesome! The wall hanging is just a canvas that we glued some wooden letters on, painted with yellow spray paint and distressed with a bit of gray. I think she liked it and I know it was a surprise!That's my mom....before my time. She has told the story often--she was on a "date" with dad and some other friends from church, using a child's fishing pole and just tossed it out in the water (no fishing liscense) and quickly pulled in her first fish! I'm sure if dad wasn't already "hooked" he was after that!I absolutely adore the vintage feel to this photo of my Mom and big brother. My dad has been going through old slides and finding some real treasures.

My favorite memories are of the outdoors. There are many more of different family members, but for now, just sharing a few of the birthday girl! Love her so much!

Hugging Mommy's Heart!

This is Kammy getting ready for her dedication. She's wearing a dress big sisters wore and laying on a blanket that mommy made especially for her!

I mentioned this before, but she was the easiest going baby ever. Below, she is just home from the hospital, content and having a little chat with her daddy.These photos were all before my digital camera craze, so I had to pull them out of the scrapbook and scan them. Kayla and Kalli had more than their fair share of sister spats, but when Kammy came along, she gave them something different to focus on and everyone actually got along much better! =) Of course, looking at them in these sweet pictures, you would never believe that they ever fought at all. I was one happy mommy!Kammy asked for another horse party this year. Now 4 out of 6 parties have been such!It was easy and inexpensive, as we used mostly items on hand for decor. Here is the gift corner.Daddy brought home a huge horse balloon--sort of the highlight of party decor!For the third year in a row, Kammy chose Pepperoni Pizza and Root Beer Floats. I'm well aware that it's not the healthiest, but we always let the girls choose this one meal a year--whatever they want!Kammy enjoying her float!We printed a huge unicorn and played "Pin the horn on the unicorn!"Kammy asked for and icecream cake from her favorite place, Dairy Queen and then she put her favorite little horse, Beauty on top.

"Blow hard, Kammy!"She is at the funnest age. Six is awesome! She woke up literally bouncing and saying, "I'm six years old today, I'm six years old today!"

She was so grateful for all of her gifts, but the best part came when I was tucking her in for the night. She said, "Mommy, thank you for the wonderful party! You are the one that made it special--Mommy, you always make things so special for us!" There are a few things about that little articulate statement that thrill me:

1. I am proud to have a 6 year old who is thankful. One who does not have an entitlement spirit--who is not selfish!

2. The way she articulated her thoughts. Maybe I am wrong, but I don't think many girls her age can express themselves so honestly or so well.

3. She noticed! Let's face it, a mom's work often goes un-noticed. We just do what we are supposed to do. There's not really such a thing as going above and beyond, and if there was, we wouldn't get a bonus for it anyway. Her little heartfelt thanks was like a bonus to my heart--a great big hug, and I walked on air from her room back to mine. =)

A new day!

I've never been big on New Year celebrations. Maybe I'm funny, but to me, it's just another new day. I'm thankful though, for ever new day. If I have a resolution this year, it is much the same as last year....every year....every day. It would be to slow down and enjoy the moments more. Enjoy my family more, my friends more, and even God more. For example, Kaite is wearing a little dress in this picture that all of our girls have enjoyed. I can remember fairly well when Kammy wore it, but it seems so long ago that Kalli did, and it's almost hard to believe that Kayla was ever that size.

I guess what I'm trying to say is PRIORITIES. Yes, the house will still need cleaned, we will still have to do laundry, and the meals will not cook themselves in the New Year either, but I want to be careful not to lose the "moments." Sharing a cup of java, a smile, a laugh a hug, a conversation with a friend or family member. These are the things I cherish most in life. I resolve to be a better person, not by doing more, but by doing LESS. Thanks to all my blog friends for the inspiration, encouragement, love and prayers throughout 2011, may your New Year be joyful and blessed of God!

A Birthday in Heaven

February 2008 found our family very excitedly announcing the coming of a baby! I was so excited about having a fall baby. The due date was October 8th. Since I have had most of my babies via c-section, they are usually about 8-10 days earlier than the due date. I don't mention it often, but I've been thinking about it lately, that I decided to share. We ought to be celebrating birthday #3 any day now.

We lost our baby at 11 weeks. Above is the size of an unborn baby at 12 weeks, so pretty close to the size our baby was. I am always amazed at how you can count all the fingers and toes and how perfectly formed they are at this age. Of course, I know their skin is not so creamy and their head not in proportion quite so well, but the heart beats the same and the length of our little one was exactly the length of this model.

I have this keyring on my chain and it goes everywhere with me. I also have a magnet like it on my fridge. While it hurts to remember, my baby is too precious to forget!

Here is baby Karrick's scrapbook.

We gave our baby a name, so that we would always know exactly who we were talking about, and because he was someone real. It helped the kids a lot, I think, to name their sibling and brought some closure to us all. I felt silly doing it until I talked to others who had done the same. I'm so thankful for those who shared with me. It helped me to know that I was not alone and nothing was "wrong" with me because I was greiving. I think sometimes we fear to talk about these losses because we fear rejection or misunderstanding, but I have found that you can never go wrong in being tender to these things. Being "strong enough to hurt" is what helps us understand the pain others face, whether it is this type of loss or pain of another nature altogether. When I went through my valley of grief and loss, it was those who hurt and still cried over their losses who were able to reach me, not the ones who tried to hide their pain and be "so strong and silent."

I announced the baby's coming to my blog on February 25th 2008.On the 28th, I posted about the ever present morning sickness and how my hubby made potato soup--my latest craving. (All of these pictures enlarge when clicked.)On March 14th we rushed to the ER at the first sign of miscarriage. I am so glad we did! We got to see on ultrasound a tiny, but perfect baby and hear a strong heartbeat. We were already in love, but we fell in love all over again seeing that precious tiny being on the screen. It was almost as if we could hear the love returned to us in the steady beat of that tiny heart. While baby was perfect, there were complications with the placenta and they gave us a 50/50 chance of carrying baby to term.Four days later, there were no warning signs, and everything seemed great. We went back for a follow-up appointment. The dr said that I was doing so good there was no need for taking another look at baby right then. The fact that we were not hearing a heartbeat with doppler, did not concern him as I was only 11 weeks--the time when you may or may not hear it. I insisted. I tried to think it was "silly fear" but I felt like "something bad had happened" on the past Sunday. My doctor kindly indulged me in taking a peek to aleve my fears. That is when we saw (and heard) that the heartbeat had stopped. I'll never forget the dreadful silence.I had been carrying my baby, but Jesus bent down and was now carrying him for me. Maybe you think knowing that should have made it easy..... It didn't.We came home with an appointment for outpatient surgery the next day. It was one of the hardest days/nights of my life. It was easter time, so we colored eggs with the kids. My idea, and a feeble attempt to occupy everyone's mind. That evening, we sent the kids to Grandpa and Grandma's house and spent most of the night crying in each other's arms. I was blessed to have a husband who was not afraid to share the pain. He was "strong enough to hurt" along with me and I loved that fact. Sometimes true strength can't say that "Everything will be okay" it can just hold you and say, "I'm sorry."

My doctor was so kind. While they prepped me for surgery, he sat on a stool by my side and held my hand. Just before they administered the anesthetic, he put his head down on the bed and cried with me saying, "I'm so sorry, Karen."

I dealt with a lot of guilt over that fact that I HAD babies at home. Some women never get that priviledge. I should have been grateful. He (dr) told me later that he sees mommies who know from experience what a treasure babies are suffer more than those who do not have children. When you know what it's like to lay your eyes on that baby for the first time, to stroke it's soft skin and to take it "home," and you can't do that this time, it's heartbreaking. Of course, I do not say this to cheapen the pain of losing your first baby, I wanted children before I had them, but there is no way you can ever really know HOW much you want them until after you've had one.I have several pages like this in Karrick's scrapbook; Comments and messages from caring friends. Many who could say, "I've been there! I understand. I'm sorry." I was on about 3 weeks of semi-bed rest afterwards. I think the quietness made it harder than if I could have stayed busy, but I had wonderful people to help and support me.So, here we are 3 years, and a new baby later ; I still think of baby Karrick so often. One of my children has gone before be to Heaven. It still hurts. I still wish I could hold you, but I can think of you with joy now too, and look forward to a glad reunion! "Happy Birthday!" sweet little Karrick! We know you will have a wonderful party with Jesus! We can't wait to get there and party with you~meanwhile we hold you close in our hearts!

Memory Monday

Remember Memory Monday? Me neither. I think I was planning to do a memory post every Monday....or something like that. I think it might have happened once? Well...yesterday, we were at my parent's place for Father's Day and the girls and I got to digging for memories. We found this picture of me when I was maybe 4. I think that maybe I was practicing up for Kaite. I cannot tell you the hours/nights I have spent just like this!

Then we found this Father's Day card that I made for my daddy when I was about 10. This is page one.

...and this is page 2, 3, and 4...

finally, the last page. :)

This here is an interesting piece of history. My Grandma received this letter informing her of her brother's wounding in action during the Korean war. If I am reading it right, the year was 1950?

Below is a picture of me playing house in what I am sure was my big brother's corn field. He was 10 years my senior and I'm not sure what he thought about my making "house" here, but it sure was fun! He loved to grow things--seems he got a great sense of accomplishment in seeing the harvest. This picture proves the idea that a home is what you make it. Even a corn field can be made pretty by placing a vase of flowers on the table and a fussy baby in your arms. :) I vaguely remember that my baby was pretty fussing this day too. See, I really did start preparing myself for the joys of motherhood at a young age. Haha.

Keeping the Comforter Close!

All of our children have had a special "comforter"--something to snuggle--to hold close in times of trouble. To cling to in the lonely or frightening moments.

For Kayla, it was an old blanket of mine. I called it "hug" and I think I actually slept with it right up until I got married--maybe until Kayla got big enough to take it away from me. :) It comes with a special matching pillow. One that was my mom's when she was a little girl!

Kalli was (still is) our sentimental one. Her special comforters include, "Raggy" (a Raggedy Ann blanket I made her), "Moon" (a fuzzy blanket with stars all over it), "Special" (another old blanket of mine), and "Thomas" (a Thomas the Train blanket). At one point, Kalli had to have all 4 blankets, her sippie cup with milk, and 27 Thomas the Train books (all in their proper order) before she could even think about falling asleep at night.

Kammy has a special patchwork blanket I made for her and she likes to snuggle with it, but she is definitely the tomboy in our family and I think she'd just as soon sleep with the horses!

Kaite has to have a "blank" (any one will do), "Bowt" (her special teddy) and "Bop" (lots and lots of bops!)

Yesterday, we went to the park and had special family devotions. Daddy read the scripture from John 14:16 where Jesus promised to send us a comforter. Then he talked about how wonderful it is to have the comforter with us always. Just like our teddy might bring us comfort when we are sad or lonely, we can have the Holy Spirit to do the same thing for our hearts.Then we talked about the time Kalli LOST "Raggy" at Walmart. She was about 3, and we didn't notice Raggy was missing until bedtime. While daddy drove back to the store to look for it, Kalli called Grandma. The conversation went something like this, "Grandma, this is turning out not to be a bery good day! Pray, Grandma! Pray! I LOST Raggy!"

Wow! Perfect illustration, huh? How easy it is to get distracted--to get busy. Kalli wasn't doing anything wrong. Maybe she just got busy looking at toys or choosing her favorite cereal when she forgot about Raggy. Luckily, the "sticker man" found Kalli's blanket and was saving it for her. Still, we were all able to relate because we remembered those anxious moments. How important it is to stay in touch with the Comforter daily--even in the good times, so that when the bad times come, He will already be near.

Tiny Pictures

I came up a little "empty" this week as far as Tiny Talk quotes go. I think I was just busy and didn't pay attention...shame on me! I guess I will be enjoying the things other's children have said this week. I do have some really darling (I think) pictures though. Kaite is baby-girl #4 to wear this sweet little daisy dress. We called her our little daisy, but we all know what a "doozy" our daisy can be! I decided that she will be a WONDERFUL mother someday--with her ability to operate on 5 hours of sleep! She just doesn't seem to need as much sleep as the rest of her family.

In this internet age, whether you are blog-hopping, dress shopping or doing research for a school project, you do a lot of "ex-ing out" of things you are finished with or just aren't satisfied with. I was thinking this week, that life really is not quite that easy. It doesn't come with "Ctrl Alt Del" though sometimes it might be nice if it did. When Kammy first began to notice the little red "ex" in the upper right hand corner, she tried to use it in her life--wherever it came in handy. For instance, we would tell her to eat her lunch or pick up her toys and she'd say, "I ex'd out of that!"

14 years!

I'm not really sure where time goes. It seems like just the day before yesterday I was dressing up in momma's clothes and dreaming little-girl dreams of a fairytale wedding. Then yesterday, I married my best friend, boyfriend, and the man of my dreams.

Today was our 14th Wedding Anniversary!
God has blessed us richly, in all the ways that count, and we continue to,
"Cherish the Treasure"

I cherish the treasure
The treasure of you
Lifelong companion
I give myself to you
God has enabled me
To walk with you faithfully
And cherish the treasure
The treasure of you
As I obey the Spirit's voice
And seek to do His will
I then can see the wisdom of His plan
For as He works His will in me
I then can love you selflessly
And by His grace, can pledge my love to you
Chorus
This sacred vow I make to you
Does not contain an "if"
Though I'm aware that trials lie ahead
I will love you and pray with you
And through it all, I will stay with you
Our home will be a refuge of
Unconditional love
Chorus
Cherish the treasure
The treasure of you