Photo memories, journal jottings and other blessings

Some of Mom's last writings

When we had Kammy’s birthday party, I felt prompted to give grandma her gifts then as well even thought it was still a few weeks until her 80th. One item was a hymn word search book. She hadn’t had time to do much in it but rather than going in order, she had flipped though it and selected this one. And now that’s where she is.

Jan 29--Having a rough night. My sweet husband just scooped me up and dropped me off at my daddy’s house. It was just what we both needed! My daddy is the sweetest most gentle christian man; it almost seems unfair to the rest of the daughters in the world. We cried over mom’s empty chair and rejoiced that she’s made it safe home.

Jan 30-I found this awesome picture of my momma this morning. I sure miss her today. I’d love to make her something lemon and yellow to celebrate her birthday, but I’m sure she’s having the best party ever with Jesus and her baby and so many others. Happy Birthday in Heaven; I love you.

An English assignment by Kalli Bork 🥰

Love Spans the Distance

Yes, troubles will always come,

Dark and terrifying some.

For there are always storms of life.

There are struggles, there is strife. 

There is loss and there is pain;

Oft-times we feel there is no gain.

That life’s too hard and death’s too strong;

And hope’s elusive- all seems wrong. 

But love will span the distance

Betwixt that heart and mine;

For love holds no resistance

Love whispers, 

“Heaven is thine.” 

You will know long days and longer nights.

You will feel them; loss and frights. 

You will see a void in you,

And know a change in all you do.

But you will move and you will grow. 

You will have a new tomorrow,

While keeping memories close To honoring those who matter

most. 

For love will span the distance

Betwixt that heart and mine

For love holds no resistance

And whispers softly, 

“Heaven is mine and shall be thine.”

Today should have been a lemon meringue pie day. My Mom’s favorite and we always had it the Sunday closest to her birthday. The last few days my Facebook memories have been full of it from the past several years. I know that Gabriel’s Cafe has the best pie, the tartest lemon and the highest meringue, but I miss her at my table all the same. My mind is going even farther back than that this morning though, and what I really miss is being at her table back when she was the mom and I was the little. Ahh....The cycle of life and lemons...when life gives you lemons sometimes you make pie and other times you just pucker up and let yourself cry! 

One of the hardest things is seeing Mom's empty chair.....

Time cannot heal the heaviness 
Or fill the empty chair
The one that’s in the family room
Where we would gather there
Still we give thanks to God each day 
We know his promise is true
Please save an empty chair for us
Soon we’ll come home to you.

Feb 4-On a little walk tonight, enjoying the amazing beauty and a little voice said, “....and you think THIS is pretty??” 😍

I’ve been reading a book by CS Lewis. Some of his journaling actually, when he lost his wife. It’s extremely raw and honest even describing his fleeting doubts and anger at God, but some things he says express feelings an ordinary person like me couldn’t put into words and it helps somehow. Anyway, this is one of his statements and I think there is profound truth in it. I’ve longed to have just one more minute with mom, but this made me think...what would I do with that minute? Would I tell her the last cute thing Kaderick said? Would I tell her about her memorial service? Who was there? Who sent flowers? Would I tell her my latest disappointment? Brag on one of her grands good grades? Complain how someone treated me wrong? In truth, while I’d love to tell her all those things, I’d choose my words carefully and it would be a ”no” to all of the above. I’d tell her it was ok, not to worry about daddy and I . We will be fine. We will always love you, we will never forget you, but we couldn’t ask you to stay and we will see you again soon.
And then I realized, she knows the truly important things already and while the hurt sometimes seems almost unbearable, we really DON’T mourn as those who have no hope. 😍

My very good friend made me this beautiful shadow box with some of my moms last writings—in her handwriting too!! I will treasure it always!!! The teacup was moms and the picture on the plate is of her as a little girl.

On the lighter side.....

I sent my husband to neighborhood market after honey for our cornbread tonight and the following texting transpired. 
*Valden would be the local funeral director and Dr Kammer the ENT who is considering taking my husbands tonsils.

Long Memories and a Prayer Request: 
Kaderick is having some unique struggles regarding his gramma’s move to heaven. They were close. He loved grandma a lot. Gma claims they bonded in the NICU. She’d tell him the story often and he even requested it from her on one of their last times together. —Momma was still in surgery, so of course daddy went with Kade to the NICU but then after some time, momma was still in recovery and daddy became anxious about her so he got grandma to go watch over her new grandson. She took this assignment very seriously. I can still hear her telling him how he’d stop breathing and she and the nurse would lift his little arms and he’d cough and cry and the nurse would say, “there...that’s what we want...good boy.” —
Then later, grandma would come and hold him for his naps when he itched so bad from his mast cell disease that he couldn’t sleep. She’d soothe him back to sleep or he and I would never have gotten any rest. He loved snuggling with her, probably more than any of the girls ever did and even after he was bigger and she was sick they still seemed to have a special connection. Kaderick began struggling to lift her purse when he was just tiny and it quickly became a lasting game to lift her many purses. He also learned real fast that she often stashed a little treasure in there for him.
When we told Kaderick that grandma had died he had zero reaction. He just ran the other way and ignored us., He did later worry about Christmas Eve and say that he wanted things to "just be normal" but displayed no real signs of typical grief. I don’t think he’s shed a tear over it yet. I was his age when my grandpa died and I still remember sobbing my heart out. What has happened, is Kaderick has become super clingy to his mommy and he was already a momma baby lol. He keeps telling me that if my momma died that means his will too someday and he might still be here without me. Lately he literally doesn’t want me out of his sight. He panics. I’m really not asking for a lot of advice....we’ve kinda tried it all and we have a wonderful pediatrician who can help us get good grief therapy if needed, I’m just asking that if you think of it you’d pray for him...for all of us that we’d know how to handle this added curve in our road.

More writings from Mom. We just keep finding these little messages from her to cheer us on.